英语演讲稿笑话(精选多篇)

第一篇：英语笑话

two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. he doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. the other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. he gasps, "my friend is dead! what can i do?". the operator says "calm down. i can help. first, let's make sure he's dead." there is a silence, then a shot is heard. back on the phone, the guy says "ok, now what?"

简单翻译:

两个猎人在森林里打猎,突然甲倒下了.并且看上去不再呼吸了,眼睛也变得呆滞.

乙赶紧拿起电话打给救护中心,上气不接下气的说:"我的朋友死了,怎么办?."

服务人员说:"淡定,我有办法.首先,我们嘚确保他是死了." 安静了一会儿,电话里响起了一阵枪声,电话那头乙说道:"好了,那接下来怎么办."

下面是被评选世界第二搞笑的笑话：

sherlock holmes and dr watson were going camping. they pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. sometime in the middle of the night holmes woke watson up and said: “watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

watson replied: “i see millions and millions of stars.”

holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

watson replied: “well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. and if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

and holmes said: “watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”

简单翻译:甲乙一起去野营.他俩在星光下搭好帐篷然后睡去. 半夜的某时,甲叫醒乙:"抬头看看那些星星,然后告诉我你发现了什么?"乙:"我看见好多好多的星星."

甲:"如此你能推断出什么结论?"

乙回答道:"嗯...假如天上有无数的恒星,而且其中一些有自己的行星,那么很有可能就会有像地球一样的星球存在.假如有像地球一样的星球存在,那里还可能存在生物."

甲无语:"你个sb.这说明有人偷了我们的帐篷."

第二篇：英语笑话

英语笑话

笑话一：a woman gets on a bus with her baby. the bus driver says: "that's the ugliest baby that i've ever seen. ugh!" the woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. she says to a man next to her: "the driver just insulted me!" the man says: "you go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, i'll hold your monkey for you."(某女士带着宝宝坐公交车。司机说：“这是我见过最丑的宝宝。噢!”该女走到车厢后部坐下来，正恼怒得七窍生烟。她对邻座的男子说：“那司机刚才辱骂我!”男子说：“你过去让他滚——去吧，我会帮你把这猴子看好的。”)

笑话二：sherlock holmes and dr watson were going camping. they pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. sometime in the middle of the night holmes woke watson up and said: "watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." watson replied: "i see millions and millions of stars." holmes said: "and what do you deduce from that?" watson replied: "well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. and if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life." and holmes said: "watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."(福尔摩斯和华生出去露营。他们在星空下支起帐篷然后入睡了。半夜时分，福尔摩斯叫醒华生，说：“华生，抬头看看天空，然后告诉我你看到了什么。”华生答道：“我看见了数以百万计的星星。”福尔摩斯说：“那你从这可以推断出什么结果呢?”华生又答：“哦，如果有几百万颗星星的话，即使里面只有少数的一些行星，那么就有可能存在像地球那样的行星。如果有像地球那样的行星，那上面就可能会有生命存在。”福尔摩斯：“华生 ……此处隐藏1899个字……p>

you so interested cents more. in but the why old "she is the one who sells the candy."好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 ””昨天给你的钱干什么了？”我给了一个可怜的老太婆，“

你真是个好孩子，“妈妈骄傲地说。“他回答说。“再给 你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

“她是个卖糖果的。”

if i am a manager

one assigned day in class, the teacher composition his all the students began to write except – if i am a managerstudents to write .

a a boy. the teacher went to him and asked the reason.

“i am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer如果我是一个经理.

一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。 所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。 “我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

big hands

teacher: one otherhand if and i had eight seven oranges oranges in the in student: big hands.

, what would i have? 大手

老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？ 学生：大手。

it's not my fault

mother daughter): you mustn't pull the cat's (reprimanding her small tail.

daughter: i'm the cat's doing the pulling.

only holding it, mom. 不是我的错

妈妈（正教训她的女儿）：你不该拽猫的尾巴。 女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。

to buy a video

amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.

i’m afraid we can’t afford one, sighed his motherbut on the following day in came

.

amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.

how on earth did you pay for that? gasped his mothereasy, mum. replied amos, i sold the .

television!

买录像机

艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。 恐怕我们还买不起，妈妈叹息着说。 可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。

你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西？妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。

妈妈，这简单， 艾曼斯回答。我把电视机给卖了！

two pieces of cake

tom: mom, can i have two pieces of cake, please?

mom: certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!

两块蛋糕

汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗？ 妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧！

第五篇：英语幽默笑话

you've lost your morality

你节操掉了

six people were travelling in a compartment on atrain.

有六个人搭乘火车旅行，坐在同一车箱内。

five of them were quiet and well behaved,

其中五个很安静，也很规矩。

but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.

但第六个是个粗鲁的年轻人，给其他乘客招惹了许多麻烦。

at last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. 最后，这位年轻人在一个车站带着两个沉重的皮箱下了车。

none of the other passengers helped him,

没有一个旅客帮他的忙。

but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened thewindow and shouted to him,

有个人一直等到这位粗鲁的年轻人走得很远了，才打开窗户，对着他大声喊：

"you left something behind in the compartment!" then he closed the window again.

“你把东西留在车厢里了!”然后，又把窗户关了起来。

the young man truned around and hurried back with his two bags.

年轻人转过身子，拎着两个沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆赶了回来。

he was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, "what did i leavebehind?"

他转回来时，显得非常疲倦，对着窗户大声喊：“我把什么东西留在车上了？”

as the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the windowand said, "you've lost your morality"

当火车再次启动时，叫他回来的旅客打开窗户说：“你节操掉了！”